The Agents of Archimedes

 

 

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Miles Armbruster, the long-revered physician-scientist, thought long and hard about the consequences he was watching play out on the nightly news.

The plan he had set in motion nearly thirty years earlier was nothing short of insanity, but he was brash and naïve when it first popped into his head.

And now, with Al Jazeera, CNN, MSNBC, FoxNews, and all of the other major media outlets covering the same story, he looked out the small window in his office and briefly caught the faint reflection of his own smile.

 

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The ticker at the bottom of his television read, “China National Tobacco No More.”


 

CNT was the last of the international tobacco companies to fail, despite Dr. Armbruster instigating his poisonous plan with CNT over 10 years prior. Its demise had taken by far the longest of any of the tobacco giants and nearly cost him his life.

On his desk, the small LED light on his phone began pulsing. He lifted it with his good hand, and clicked the thumbprint. The text message read, “Congrats.”

The sender, President Jaime Obregado Garcia, was never one to mince words with Miles Armbruster, a man he had known for 37 years.

 

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He set the phone back down on his shaky wooden desk in a small university office in Omaha and thought for a moment about what he had done. Back in 2001 he assumed the plan would take 40 years to complete. He was off by almost a decade to the day.

Spear-heading the eradication of two of the world’s most harmful species, Nicotiana Tabacum and Nicotiana Rustica, should have made him world-renown. Or at least seen him accept the Nobel Prize in Medicine.

 

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But “Big Tobacco” had been quite resistant to the subterfuge carried out by a clandestine group. Rough estimates placed their economic downturn in the Trillions of dollars. That type of economic loss put Dr. Miles Armbruster in a wheelchair. Two other members of their group lost their lives.

 

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But hundreds of millions of lives had likely been saved in the past three decades from their step-wise annihilation; the number would certainly climb in the next three decades.

Not since Alexander Fleming had discovered Penicillin in 1932 or John Franklin Enders conquered Polio in the mid 20th century had such a monumental scientific prevention occurred.

 

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Alas, Miles Armbruster had attained several other significant recognitions during his medical career, most notably the 2024 Nobel prize for his discovery of Streptococcus Pneumoniae as a symbiotic microbe in the beating heart of every living human being.

Instead, this time Dr. Armbruster would have to accept a text message from the most powerful man in the world as a consolation prize. Few ever knew about his lead on the genetic assault against N. Tabacum and N. Rustica; even fewer were still alive to share this momentous day.

 

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Just then his wife, Dr. Jane Armbruster, walked into his office and smiled at him, “You ready?”

She stopped in the doorway and glanced at the television screen.

“Can you believe it? Who would have thought tobacco would get wiped off the face of the Earth. It’s almost ironic. I’m gonna be out of a job.” She let out a half-hearted laugh. She was not one of the privileged few who knew.

“You’re the ever eternally optimistic oncologist, aren’t you, Dr. Armbruster?”

 

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She rolled her eyes at him and took a few more steps through the doorway, grabbed his right arm, and helped him ease himself from his desk chair into the wheelchair he used to get around.

He moved himself up to the television perched on the wall across from his desk. He let the ticker scroll “China National Tobacco No More” one more time across the screen.

 

 

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His left hand reached out and tapped the On/Off switch. He swiveled back to his desk, collected his cell phone, and plopped it on his lap before leaving the office.

Jane closed the office door behind him. “How was your day?”

 

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“Class was fun. I’m always amazed by what these students think up. And I got a text from Jaime. He was checking in.”

“How is the President these days?”

“Busy as always. But never too busy for an old friend.”

Jane smirked, “I feel like he’s more your friend than my brother every time I see him.”

“Well, what can I say, we “Men of Straus Hall” stick together.”

 

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She stopped, bent down, and kissed him on the cheek. “Yes, you most certainly do.”

{The Men of Straus Hall as they collegially referred to themselves while studying as undergraduates at Harvard College, had been covertly re-named The Agents of Archimedes in 1999 by now-deceased member Brett Elias Williams. Now only a Nobel Prize Winning physician-scientist, a scion of International Economy, and the President of the United States remained from the original thirteen members…}

 

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Life on the Amazon

Elbrecht's avatarElbrecht's Corpuscle

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“Welcome to the Jungle

We’ve got fun and ‘n’ games

We got everything you want

Honey, we know the names

We are the people that can find

Whatever you may need

If you got the money, honey

We got your disease”

Axl Rose’s voice roared over the loudspeaker as I sang along with a bar code scanner doubling as my microphone. “Welcome to the Jungle” seemed quite the appropriate theme song for where I found myself at 3AM on a recent Wednesday morning: an enormous warehouse on the outskirts of Lexington, KY.

But how the hell did I get there?

One day in July 2013, while on a month-long break from medical school, I found myself dreaming about what I would do during the 8-month break I would soon have between finishing medical school and starting Residency.

During that day-dream, I found myself:

a) in the outback of Australia, rough-housing with cuddly koalas and lacing…

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Man & Machine

Elbrecht's avatarElbrecht's Corpuscle

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The most difficult course I took as a college undergrad at Miami University was entitled “Robots and Humans.” It was a “senior capstone”; the purpose of “capstone” courses was to bring together several divergent subject matters in the realm of the major course of study of a student.

As a psychology major, the general idea of a capstone was to filter some idea through a psychological lens. “Robots and Humans” focused on the idea of technology, in the form of robots, and how psychology could understand the role of robots in human society and the potentiality of robots becoming human, or at the very least, human-like.

—–

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The difficulty of this course was in the wide scope of subject matter that was included: mathematics, philosophy, electronics, neural networks, sociology, economics, etc. But the basic premise of the course was to examine the questions of “what does it mean to be human?” and “can we blur the line…

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Thank you

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Today was my last day of medical school. After the completion of 90 weeks of clinical rotations and four semesters of medical science before that, I have completed the requisites to become a licensed physician. More importantly, it means that I am one step closer to being the man I have worked so hard to become. It has not always been easy, as I have struggled to be true to myself and the passion that led me down this path. Yet, it has been a wild adventure full of unbelievable experiences and I feel fortunate to have had this opportunity to be involved in the lives of so many people.

Without the support and care of many people, I would not have been able to weather this journey.

So without further ado, thank you:

– the patients who allowed me to participate in their care and engage in the art of medicine

– the physicians, nurses, and other medical staff who took a minute (or an hour) to teach me how to practice medicine, both the science behind it and its application to patient care

– the faculty and staff at Ross University who helped educate me in the necessary medical knowledge to make a difference in the lives of countless patients

– Will and Emily Bett, my brother and sister, for their incessant support of my journey over the past four and a half years

– Brooke and Jeremiah Redmond, who made me feel comfortable in nYc and whose ever-present encouragement in my pursuit of becoming a physician helped me overcome times of self-doubt

– the clients and staff at The Wellmet Project, who provided the initial spark to my passion

– Brendan Keleher, the Rajon Rondo to my Kevin Garnett, and my best friend throughout this incredible experience

– Matt and Joanna Masterson, who made me a part of their incredible family with whom I could spend my final months as a medical student

– Wacky Matt, Juice, and Rustang, members of the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen and providers of countless hours of pleasure during our monumental group texts, and for being such great friends for the past 15 years; Oxford Circus (Re)Unite!

– My Cincinnati Brothers Gib, Wade, Hoj, and JDawg, for always making me feel like I was doing something important and worthwhile

– The A-team: jRitch, aStolt, and BK, for being my best friends in medical school, during the good times and the bad, and helping me survive a place we called Dominica

– Tara Harrington, my surrogate sister, whose strength and pride always makes me feel purposeful and fortunate

– Samantha Lampert, for being the first person to believe in me, my passion, and my goals

– Ashley Bogosian, for reminding me that the courage to do what is right, in the face of strict opposition, is still always right

– Gabe Griffin and Sona Chikarmane, for inviting me into their home on numerous occasions and being incredible friends

– Marv, Lissa, and Zachary Alexander, my brother from another mother, his incredible wife, and ridiculously handsome son

– Scott Smith, Hallison Putnam, Anirban Sensarma, Chris Miller, Satrajit Bose, Chris “Beeker” Adams, Eva Koutalianos, Lisbet Suarez, Alexis Svokos, and Andrew Weinberg… amazing friends from different stages of my life, who have supported me in their own ways and made me a better person, and I believe, a better physician.

To those of you who might read this and perhaps were not mentioned, you too have played a role in helping me to become someone whom I hope you are proud of.

Thank you.